Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Midwife Blues

Go read Old City Blues.  It's pretty good.

Uploaded by on Jul 20, 2009

What a crappy week.  This is the week that made me want to quit my job.  All signs are pointing to getting the hell out of this line of work and out of this town.  I spent the better part of this weekend catching up with things I missed, back tracking my steps and seeing where I went right instead of left or vice versa.  I remembered,  before I started working at my current job, I had a lot of fun singing online karaoke and I met a lot of cool people.  I joked around a lot, and put my talents to use.  I was in my comfort zone then.  Now I'm a wage slave, and things just seem to be getting worse for me.  I need an exit strategy.

I had a coworker tell me repeatedly to not sell myself short.  Sometimes you need to hear that stuff a lot before it starts to really awaken in your mind.  I know why I started working at this place, I remember what my original intentions were, and where I drew the line, but somewhere things got blurry.  And it really hasn't been that long, but in two and a half years I've given this job too much ground in my life.  I need to change that.

So here's something that floated around in my head this week:  If necessity is the mother of invention, then inspiration has got to be the midwife. I've got this on the brain, because creatively I have been in a slump for a while. I've had a few short bursts of inspiration and motivation this year, but not enough to give me a good trajectory. My mood seems to be a little flighty and I have trouble shifting between personal responsibilities, research, self-amusement, and creative practice. I feel so disorganized and stressed out and often times trapped. I guess these are also things that make me want to quit my day job, but I need the income to support a move like that.

I did this little sketch after Benito Cereno suggested somebody do an homage to the cover of Fantastic Four #39. I wonder if I'll follow through with this.  I did make some progress with some personal things:  getting a ticket mostly taken care of.  I finished BPRD: Plague of Frogs, Hellboy: Trollwitch, and fnished The Living and The Dead by Jason in one sitting.  I watched a little Adventure Time and Community, and digressed with a viewing of Raijin Oh, discovered Witch & Knight, read a tiny bit of Templar, AZ, and did some time line parsing.  At some point I rediscovered the title of the film Messidor and unearthed my old college notebooks.  I kind of feel like excavating all this stuff from my past is helping me get perspective on my situation, where once all that stuff seemed to keep me running in circles.  It's become very important for me to see where my head and heart have been through different moments of my life, inspiration being as fleeting as it is these days.

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